You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
