So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Randomize
