AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
