dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Sext me about skeletons
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize