i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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