it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
Randomize
