i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
