she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
My life is pants optional.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
