I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
