It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Randomize
