she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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