How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
