So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
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