Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Randomize
