I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
