the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
