Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
