he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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