I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
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