I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
