just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
