My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
