i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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