I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize