is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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