someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Randomize
