Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
