I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize