he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
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