So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Randomize
