Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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