I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
