I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
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