every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize