I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
