We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Randomize
