Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
