I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
