Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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