Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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