So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Randomize
