were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
