If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I just want nice things and good sex
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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