??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
