i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
