so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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