we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
