oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Randomize
