my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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