Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
