i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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