That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
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