i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
