i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Randomize
