OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
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