Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
