your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
