It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Randomize
