I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Randomize
