how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Randomize
