Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
