I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Randomize
