I'm pants shitting drunk right now
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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