Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Randomize
