Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
