Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
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