Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
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