i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Randomize
