remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
that may or may not have been my penis.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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