i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Randomize
