I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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