cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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