Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Randomize
