i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
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