i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
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