i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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